Last night and the previous were reminders of just how bad next year’s going to suck. Wednesday was The Price Is Right’s last Million Dollar Primetime Spectacular and Thursday brought CBS’ 50-year Bob Barker retrospective, both making it even more obvious that that Bob Barker’s career is in its winter months. Barker, with his little wand microphone, will take his wrinkly tan and his ceaseless message of controlling the pet population to the golf course for good after this year. It will be over, the final broadcast sign-off, leaving behind a program that has always billed itself as the most exciting hour on television. Barker will be gone, but the network is not going to retire the show with him. It was a shame that a replacement had to be found for Rod Roddy in 2003, after the flamboyant announcer passed away from colon and breast cancer. No disrespect to Roddy, but he was just an announcer. Barker is bigger than that. Finding someone to be the new Bob Barker is as absurd as trying to find a new Hugh Hefner, if the Playboy founder didn’t want to dance the dance anymore and just wanted to do crossword puzzles all day, not at all surrounded by sexy 20 year olds with plastic knockers. They will Louie Anderson the shit out of it, hiring someone to succeed the television legend with the head as white as snow. There has been chatter this year that Family Fued’s John O’Hurley could be taking over. Wha-what? Can’t we let the show expire naturally when Barker leaves? He can keep all the fabulous prizes still piled in the back and install the Showcase Showdown wheel (which has been on the fritz lately anyway) in his backyard, next to the gazebo and the kidney-shaped swimming pool (a guess). The Plinko chips could be bronzed and placed under a glass case with museum lighting around the top. Sure, we would all slowly forget the actual retail price of Gold Bond Medicated Powder – the mainstay on almost every episode — (It’s $4.98, for the record) – but it would be better than having anyone other than Barker step in and try to put their own branding on a role that’s already been done the best that it ever will. There would always be money in the Price Is Right and that ultimately will win out, but if for once something could go softly into the night without it being defamed and sullied, it would be stellar. It won’t happen and the price will officially be – in Barker’s own words – “wrong, bitch.”